m not able to handle dis phase..i want him to be d way he used to be wid me earlier..i wish i culd fast forward dis dry phase n see him laughing giggling again.. m missing his naughty talks..his warm touch..his charming smile...his smooth voice..please be back.. nothing seems alright... d soul is missing from everything... i m missing..i cnt find myself widout you. i wanna go out wid u... be wid u...i wanna see you...i wanna listen to u...i wanna touch you...i wanna smell u....want to be absorbed in u forever..d way m absorbed in ur thoughts now... this is all i need from life.. this is all i need.

Annoying Quirks!

Heared dis ample of times ' variety is spice of life' but till what extent? what is d amplification of variety here? variety in food...variety in dressing...variety in other materialistic pleasure... but how about variety in lovers? not that being in love..but being wid lovers...girl n boy types love...how much necessary is it? what pleasure it gives?
i dont have a answer.. i just dont know!
but m sure i dont agree wid it n i dont identify wid it. i find it abhorring. may be m wrong.. but i find it unfair..
i m unable to express my disappointment...i am unable to express my heartburn..
some annoying quirks makes me feel insecure n possasive but my faith is alive...my trust is there...my love is intact..

Lovely Prelude!

18th Nov. 2002 when we met first time face to face ;how do i give words to that unforgettable first date..... a sublime...divine and idyllic union... a true meeting of two bodies, minds and souls... i was lost in your dewy hazel sparkling eyes... n still m absorbed in them : ) love i feel for you is a driving force that knows no boundaries... meeting you was my life-transforming dhak-dhak moment..i cherish it n wanna relive it...

what a lovely prelude! awwwh..

Happy B'day B : )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU......B : )

( THRZ A CAKE - UR FAV CAMERA.. ND D OTHER IS MY HEART GOING DHAK-DHAK FOR YOU ; ) HEHEHE..

I WISH I HAD SUPERNATURAL POWERS....N MAKE YOUR WISH COME TRUE...

BUT I AM PRAYING THAT GOD GIVES YOU WHAT YOU WISH FOR... N I MEAN IT OK?

I HOPE HE WILL LISTEN TO ME : ) YES HE WILL..

EACH B'DAY WE GROW A BIT OLD...BUT THAT CHILDISHNESS SHOULD STAY D SAME..

U KNOW WHEN UR B'DAY IS COMING CLOSER I FEEL BUTTERFLIES IN MY TUMMY ;P

I FEEL LIKE A KID...WHO IS SO EXCITED N WANNA SHOUT IT OUT TO THE WORLD...

YOU ARE A TRUE GEM..N M SO RICH TO HAVE YOU...SACHHI...

I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW HOW SPECIAL I FEEL WHEN M WID YOU..

N HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE TO ME..

I TAKE PRIDE IN CALLED UR GIRLFRIEND : ) I FEEL PROUD..

YOUR HONESTY...YOUR CHARM...YOUR KILLING SMILE...YOUR PRINCIPALS...YOUR ATTITUDE ;P I LOVE IT..

M A FAN OF URS... TRUST ME!

YOU HAVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED ME EMOTIONALLY...N IN SO MANY WAYS..

AS A FRIEND AS A LOVER...AS A ADMIRER..AS A CRITIC TOO ;P

I LEARNT DRIVING COZ OF YOU...NAI TO AB TAK GROUND MAIN PRACTIC KER RAHI HOTI :D .. I CONTINUED STUDIES COZ OF YOU...NAI TO SHAYAD CHOD HI DIYA HOTA..

I LOOK BETTER COZ OF YOU...COZ...YOU MAKE ME FEEL BEAUTIFUL...SERIOUSLY..

YOU HAVE ALWAYS INSTILLED SELF-CONFIDENCE ND WILL POWER IN ME WHENEVER I LACKED IT.. YOU WORKED LIKE A ENERGY DRINK FOR ME : )

ALWAYS READY TO BOOST ME UP... YOU COMPROMISED YOUR WORK COZ OF ME .. LOTTTTS OF TIMES...N I STILL I MAKE YOU DO THAT...SHAMELESSLY ;P

YOU ARE A SWEEEEETEST HEART I TELL YOU...

YOU HANDLE MY POSSASIVENESS SO LOVINGLY... I KNOW M OBSESSED ABOUT YOU..

BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT BABY...I JUST CANT RESIST YOU DA!

THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I USED TO TALK MY HEAD OFF...NON-STOP..N U USED TO LISTEN TO ME ALL NIGHT...SUMTIMES U STARTED SNOARING BUT U DINT HANG UP ON ME ;P...OWWH...I LOVE YOU FOR THOSE NIGHTS..

MY LIFE WULD HAVE COME TO A STANDSTILL WIDOUT YOU...

THANK GOD U SENT HIM...

P.S. I LOVE YOU : )

!@#$%^&*

how close i was to u ;now i realize that..
how lucky i was to hold ur hand now i know that..
if u see me sumwhr will u call me?
if we never meet again will u remember me?
why i feel u r mine though i know u cant be?
want to rewind d time n make things alright..
want to feel like that again..
want to freeze that time when we were together..
want to be wid u now n thn..

There's One....

There's one person who is "most special" to you..
There's one person you want to give your everything..
There's one person you wanna live for..
There's one person for whom you wanna die..
There's one person you wanna be with all the time..
There's one person whom you wanna make feel that he is so important for you..
There's one person you wanna absorb all his pain into you..
There's one person you always wanna see him smiling..
There's one person you wanna give all the happiness in dis world..
But... still you are not able to do that... it hurts!

Innocent Times

Wish we could go back in d time when getting high meant on a swing.
When drinking meant apple juice.
When dad was d only hero .
when love was mum’s hug.
When dad’s shoulder was d highest place on Earth.
When your worst enemies were your siblings.
When only thing that could hurt was wounded knees.
When d only things broken were toys.
When friends used you for nothing but borrowing pencils .
When goodbyes meant only till tomorrow.

...............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y7LqprHm7w

Blue To Red : )

I can always make u smile.... yes! u can : )

the moment i posted my last post " Blue The Feeling" i got a sms ..

from someone very special...i have been waiting so much..so badly

a moment ago i was burdened with tht blue feeling n next moment i was flying high with a broad smile on my face : )

life is so strange na? full of different emotions.. extreamly different!

what a drastic change it was.. first thought came to my mind was 'thanku God'

my day was as good as it can be.. it was like my fantasy came true..

as if he is saying to me -

may be sumwhr in d silence..

u will wake nd u r alone..

just call out nd i will be there..

yea!! he was there..for me

i was just happy..full of positive energy once again.. charged up.. smiling ; )

i never knew someone will change my life like dis forever..

if u have someone in ur life who can lift u up when u r down..

who can make u smile when tears rolling down..

trust me u r luckiest! God's favourite child..

my world is a better place b'cuz of 'Him.'

'Blue' The Feeling

Feeling Blue!

my mind is all mess... i feel as if i have to say a lot..but when i want to say i am totally 'blank'

when i get outta bed in d morning..i feel to see him....i need him to hold me..

then trying to do my daily work..my duties... listening to songs while driving ..some of them makes me cry..then i switch off the radio... keep thinking while driving..nothing so specific but something which haunts me all the time..

then hopelessly doing some "have to do types" work.. like going to my workshop n all..

getting irritated dont kno why but just getting irritated so easily..

now its evening and i am still hopeful bout something i love..

but nothing happened like that, what i was anticipating..

day is over..

now its night .. all blank..all by myself..all alone..

guilty for my mistakes..sorry for my mistakes..

but just feeling sorry nd saying sorry cant make things right sometimes..

waiting ...

still hopeful ...

nothing happened .. night is over..

Sleep Ke Side Effects :-(

Just imagine... how it feels when i am waiting whole day for the night to fall... waiting for lights to be off.. waiting for darkness of night to surround me.. NAA not to sleep..to talk to him over the phone..

now finally lights off..everyone's on bed.. but not asleep yet.. hhmm m waiting n waiting.. that everyone sleeps..time is passing by..tic-toc-tic-toc..

i thought mum is sleeping..n i was getting outta bed shhhhh..slowwwly.. " where are you going?" eeeh!! she is wide awake... uuh... i thought i will pretend for sumtime tht m sleeping..till the time she dsnt sleep...after every few minutes i was trying to look at her if she has slept tight..

hhmmm few minutes more... few minutes more...and finally i fell asleep myself :-( this is the worst tht could happen to me when m so desperate n lost the oppurtunity coz of my stupid sleep.. i woke up suddenly checked my fon... messages nd a missed call.. ohhh i missed it one more time ... d msg was like dis:-

Bored with this boring life

on this boring planet

at this boring time

with this boring girlfriend :p

mummmmmmyyyyy i felt like kicking my ass ..

i tried calling him..no answer...i messaged him if he is awake..but no reply.. he is off to sleep after waiting for me :-( i felt like slapping myself...i was cursing myself ..how can i do this? how can i sleep like a dead donkey? and then whole day again m waiting for night to fall..in anticipation to talk to him...whole day i crave for him..

its night when we can talk actually..coz in daytime he is occupied with work n several things..

when its dark...its calm..no disturbance...no distraction.. its so intense..tht whole ambience seems perfect...its so gud ...we talk smoothly.... thats y i m so desperate about night... but this is what happens most of the times these days... it was not like this before... now i m so scared of bed at night .. what if i fall asleep again? i dont wanna miss the oppurtunity anymore.. and i hope i will not!

Our Special Day : )

21st Aug 2009

My dear dahling love..
Its been 7 years now. still counting.... thanks for everything! ( ur msg) : )
No matter how many years passes like this...this whole life is not enough to love you as much as i want to..
you have been everything to me...in every way.. words are never enough but i want to speak..
you are my reality...you are my dream too..
you are the golden thread..you are the rock..
you are my confidence..you are my elegance..
you are my wild seduction... you are my innocent Love though..
you are my smile..you are my tears... salty but sweet..
you are the one for whom m insecure... you are the one with whom i feel secured..
Without you i am a stranger to myself...so absorbed in you..
your VOICE...oowwh mere dil main ghantiyaan bajne lagti hain actually..
i wish i could kissss your voice..mmmmpuchhhh..
your seductive hazel eyes + your innocent smile..makes me feel shy inside
your caring touch...your warm embrace..makes me feel important and loved..
the way your lips touches mine...everytime i feel its my first time..( blush *)
you make me feel like a woman when you look at me..
your gaze sizzeles me inside..you know?
when you whisper "I LOVE YOU" it gives me goosebumps..
when your heart beats with mine..when we dont know where is you where is me..when we are just 'US'..
when we are one..i wish time stops there forever..i will freeze that moment if i could..
when i am in your arms..negativity is hell scared to touch me..you become the shield..
when you go away...i feel like a child who is searching for his mum in crowd..
ahhh... i told you words are never enough..
i am sooooooooo very thankful to God he gave me YOU..
wanna do lotttt of things wid u..wanna explore life wid u..
wanna have a bunch of kids wid u..
wanna go out for a (so so many) holiday wid u..jus us.
wanna spend my whole life wid u..u r d best..my love..
i have a crazy list..which is never ending..
HAPPY ANNIVERSERY JAAN : )
you are the most SPECIAL ONE..always..

madly urs...
me

Its Rakhi Again

Rakhi... the festival which celebrates the relationship between brothers n sisters. as we all know.. the festival is marked by d tying of a rakhi ( holy thread) by d sister on d wrist of her brother. was jus remembering "rakshabandhan" in school days... it was so much fun to watch boys hehehe.. they used be so afraid.. no one wanted his crush to tie d thread on his wrist... no one wanted to wipe off that hope :D ( to be her b.f sumday) owwww what a day it used to be.. boys turning face when a pretty gurl approaching wid a rakhi in her hand.. gr8 scene..

but unfortunately there were some IDIOTS too (who misuse it)... rakhi became a convinient way of getting closer to the gurl /boy they liked...she wuld tie d thread n expect a gift from him nd he would have wet dreams at night :-/

strange but true!!

rakhi was one of d most awaited festivals for me as a child coz i used to anticipate gud amount of money and gifts ; ) used to calculate in advance how much i will get...how m gonna spend it...blah..blah..blah... he used to give me smallest possible amount like dassi, panji ( by ne chance if u still remember) or pachhies paise.. what a argument we used to shoot...finally mum used to interfere... and i used to walk away wid stuffed pockets and a big grin :D

basically it was not money which mattered it was that fun which i miss a lot now..

days!!

its 3rd consecutive rakhi widout my brother...( he is in Australia) i called him up in d morning but he was at work so culdnt talk for long.. i have sent rakhi for him but m not liking this long distance rakhi style... perhaps distance makes d heart grow fonder but hadddd ho gayi hai ...its been three years now he is away not just on rakhi infact all festivals..occassions... diwali, holi, christmas,new year all festivals widout him...

but sumhow m happy tht he is getting settled in his life wid a nice life partner... he is taking up his responsibilities... making his own life... though we both miss each other a lot but this is called life..

The Saviour : )

"B" : ) yes dis is what i call him sumtimes ( fondly)
there r other names too i love to call him..but thats b/w us ;p
he is the one who's actually my "saviour"...
i know one thing if he is there i m capable of embracing life
wid its ups & downs.... times of joy & hardships..
i can go through it all widout a scratch on my soul...
he does wonders n he doesn't know about it..when he is around i feel fulfilled...
that is the time when i dont bother about any thing...
i just feel the bliss widin me..
i talk to him about all serious issues as well as all dumb bakwaas...sumtimes its not even bearable..
but he does; definitely has gr8 endurance..; )
his touch is enough to heal away all the pain...his voice is enough to make me smile ; )
awwwh..that sense of fruition!!..
i love his vibes..i connect to it instantly..it works like a magnet to me...
i love the way he smells..i love the way he tastes...i love the way he sounds..
m crazy the way he gets angry...he says nothing but he says it all :D
i love the kind of attitude he has.. no-no not arrogant ;its sumthing i cant explain..
he gives me strength to live wid grace nd dignity..happiness nd humour..holiness..restores vigour...
deep nd gracious calm that comes when m in his arms..
ohhhh i can go on & on & on.....
talking about him makes me fall in love wid him all over again...
his charm turns me on..he rules my innermost world my soul.
there amid the intense bond which is infinite.. AMEN!

ऐसा था कभी..

ऐसा था कभी ,
अपने थे सभी ,
सपने, लम्हे , खुशियों का जहाँ ,
रास्ते मे मिली फ़िर तारिखियाँ ,
पलकों को नमी ,
नज़रों को धुआं ,
एक आस बंधी दिल को है यकीन ,
एक रोज़ तो होगी सहर यहाँ ...

'My Hope'

if u carry on d way without "love",

u will find hopeless end.

if u carry on d way with ur "love",

u will find endless hope.......

can't..

run.... run.... run....

i cant;

no legs,

no strength,

no will,

no hope,

no wish,

no want,

no heart,

no soul,

die... die.... die....

nothing left to kill.

still alive..

i was about to fall ....
but dint;
he managed to hold me right on time...

Show Me Ur Soul..

he is curious (me too : )...he is intriguing...he is different..he is inquisitive like a kid..


he is free like a dove...he is a mystery to me.. though i know a lot..
but !!


i wanna know .. what is it he is looking for? i wanna give him all he wants.. but i dont know..
he has loved me a lot... in all possible ways.. touched my life.. pampered me.. been there..
shared lil things wid me.. but still i wanna know..

sometimes i feel i know it all..
sometimes i feel i know nothing at all.. tht too whn he tells me even things too small.. coz,
i go crazy when i see him taking interest in...
as in ..anyway!
what is it m lacking..i ask myself..
something for sure..
i cant do widout him..so i jus get insecure at times..
fear of losing him.... can't afford it.

in a world that can be so insane
i don't think it's very strange
into my life you were injected
not something that I expected
now I smile from your affection
we have made a soul connection
i am you, you're my best friend
show me your soul
in a world that can be so insane
i don't think it's very strange
yes, I find you so appealing
when you show me how you're feeling
you, my friend, should not be kneeling
open up and start revealing
trust in me my heart is sole
i need to see, show me your soul ( not my lyrics :P )

m i getting paranoid? may be! ( sounds so?)
but m not complaining.. m jus letting it flow out of my mind..
but still i know a lot ( more thn neone else in his life) .. it matters! m happy abt tht..
actually very happy!

1st Ride On 2nd Date!

I respect him..more than anyone...dont know if he is aware about it or not..but i want him to know that how much i respect him..

reason to start blogging was > that i wanted to write our story...as true as life..as pure as sunshine...as innocent as a new born baby.

he is a very different person...in so many ways..yeah he is. not because i love him HE IS actually different.

i have been writing about T&T ( this n that) in my blog ..i have been writing randomly.. every time i wanted to write about us..i felt i m not that good at writing..i might not do justice to its purity. but its only he 'n' me who can describe it the best..not any professional.

This is our 2nd meeting...

10th of dec.2002, ansal plaza,khel gaon marg,new delhi.

he had a exam and after that we decided to meet there. i got ready quickly told mum that i m going for tuition...she never saw me like this before( she is jus going for tuition? or sumthing else?)..my 'lit' up eyes...my smile which i was not able to hide..just before stepping out i ran to the mirror again to have a look if m looking okkkk enough to meet him.. ( yeah! m ready to gooo..)

i went to the auto stand..there was no auto...no bus..no public transport? than i came to know today is transport strike : ( i dint want to get late..what do i do now? i cant ask my brother to drop me there.. how do i tell him that i will be late coz of this stupid transport strike...( we dint have mobile phones that time..) i saw a crowded R.T.V mini bus..i just got into that..n reached moolchand..now from there i ran..ran..ran...till ansal plaza...i was sweating in mid december ..

he was waiting for me outside MAC wondering if i m coming or not? ahh! here he is..waiting since long...my heart beat was dhuk-dhuk-dhuk-dhuk..so fast..whn i saw him..sweetheart!..truly..

we sat inside had burger n coke..his friends were also there on the different table...he was a bit conscious coz of them...i culdn't tell u guys..how was i feeling...so shy..so happy...and yes conscious too :p ..he was just smiling sweetly oblivious of the fact how much m crazy for him..

we chatted like innocent teeny boppers newly in love : ) excited n charged up to conquer the world...we roamed here n there...talking..blushing...

it was time to go...as it was a transport strike i culdn't go on my own...he gave me a lift..na-na my home was not on his way...he had to go opposite side to drop me...and he was not well aware of those roads...it was a different route for him..still he dropped me on his scooter...i wanted to hug him tight but...i was still shy to do that..we stopped at pushp vihar red signal i got down..looking at him...he whispered 'i love you' ohhh!!! dint want to go away from him..but have to....to meet him again...cant find any sleep anymore... " when u r in love; u cant sleep coz, reality is better thn ur dreams." thinking about him all night...wondering if he is also thinking about me! if yes than wot is it?

memories! so beautiful... always freshhh as dew drops.. even while writing about them i am tickled again...feeling 16 again..( hehehe..jus feeling 16 not looking 16 nemore..)

someone has said...we r given: two hands to hold,two legs to walk,two eyes to see,two ears to listen. but why only one heart? because the other was given to someone else. for us to find. and i have found, and lost mine....( lucky me! )

yess my heart is not there ...its with him now....forever....... : )

m smiling : )

lalalalalaaaaaaaa heyheyheyyyyyyyy....

tananananaaaa...

i wanna sing.........

i wanna dance... dhik-chik-dhik-chik....

why? just like that ; )

someone's smile can make u smile : ) can make u dance..can make u sing too! lalalalalaaaaaa

heeehhehehehehehehe... u know i was missing him since so many days..i met him today.. n just feeling SO good.. wanted to hug him tight n close but culdn't do that coz it was a public place ;-/

he is the one who really keeps me going... wait wait..let me just share sumthing ..i wrote to him..

i know its not tht gr8 so what?

u r my fuel to keep me going..

ur friendship is my strength..

whn u r happy i blossom from inside..

whn u r there life seems bright..

its actually so true..ammm i wish i culd be wid him always... nothing like being wid him..his presense is so charming..mmm i just love him ya...

( and yes..that pic is not mine m not tht photogenic..hehehe..)

Wondering..if..

thinking....thinking....and? thinking.........


thoughts come and go...some of' them we forget.. and some makes us forget everything else.





I am beginning to realize why parents find it tough to adjust to their ‘kids’ becoming thinking adults. the more I see the kids around me becoming men and women, the more it’s… sort of making me unsure of things.


now all of us, to some degree or the other, are gone. there are those who are not screwed up at all (if any), congratulations!! you may leave the blog right now ( hehehehe... as if i have any or so many readers.... stilll.. ) anyways! Sooner or later, most of us realize that too. now some of us might be interested in undoing some of the damage. but the big question is: what if beyond a point, the screwed-up-ness cannot be undone?


what if there is that critical point/moment where you realize you are gone and do something about it?


and WHAT if, that Point is already lost… way back sometime? what if, by the time, we grow up, we are already gone, that adulthood is simply spent caught fighting webs created well beyond our time of control ?


and to think that a lot of parents do things for the "benefit" of the child. yeah parents do their best always but according to their own correct way. but they r also human beings after all..they cant know OR understand their child's mind 'totally' always; or say, grown up's ; ) mind their choices, their priorities,their dreams,their............... T & T ( this n that)





hmmm...quiet complicated? i agree wid u.. but dis is wot it is/thats the way it is..





life is a reality but we cant stop dreaming.... dreaming of ? something or everything; dreaming of undoing the damage... dreaming of correcting mistakes we made..or dreaming wish i haven't done this... i dream too.. i wish if i...... ........ ....... ......... so many dash :D ha!ha! life would have been better. for sure. wondering!

heres sumthing i heared /liked /n wanna share>>

alice came to a fork in the road.


which road do I take? she asked.


where do you want to go? responded the cat.


i don't know, alice answered.


then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.
( got such a deep meaning. no? )

Just..

Sitting alone n wondering...
what is it m looking for?
why m so restless?
why my eyes r getting wet again n again...
is it you (?) who?
you are my body
you are my existence
cannot tolerate this separation
cannot find any sleep
cannot go through the night like this
my forehead needs ur pampered kiss
ur eyes looking into mine
you r holding me tight
now everything seems alright : )
this heart is crazy.... crazy n mad...
its just being itself its not tht bad
dont know what is its limit... limit of? anything!
being so poetic? ha! ha! ( though my lines r not rhyming ) but thts not necessary to be a poet.. (my idea :-/ ) no? its just about revealing ur emotions in ur own way..letting it go..let it flow..
just discovered my new TALENT ; ) wooooohoooo..

Most Romantic / Least Romantic

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
HERE IT GOES>>>
; )
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5.. I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING?

Makes me feel like a "Princess"

Love rules the world!
its a mysterious feeling leaves us amazed.
when he said these words to me; i couldn't stop wondering :-
# i wanted to say u from all my true heart that u r the best thing ever happened to me. i love being wid u. i feel proud!

# u r the only thing m proud of having. what u have done for me is something i can do for no one.

# when m with u, i feel like being on top of the world. blessed ...confident ... important... needed... thanks for everything... ******

# knowing someone must be waiting for me is a pleasure.
knowing someone must be expecting my message is my pride.
knowing that someone is no other than u - its my treasure.
( after reading dis sms my smile : ) touched my eyes)


# locked in my heart >> let me spend untill i can afford. tomorrow is so uncertain. you are the purest thing happen to me after my family. financially i have always been tight n m so kanjoos when its with u. i wanna treat u like a 'Princess' but thats just a dream. but we will go for dinner at a 5 star***** someday thats a promise!
{ you already made me feel like a PRINCESS : ) }

Bond That Bounds

Family! what is it which makes us love our family no matter what? what is it which holds us together? do we actually know the people whom we call our family ? is it just 'blood relation' which is so powerful that makes us love our family ( if at all).

Why we live with our family? is it just because we love them OR that's what we are supposed to do? if we love our family why brothers fight over property? why are sisters jealous of each other? everyone has a different reason ; or may be compulsion to live with family. will they really stand by you?

In animal world, there are no hard feelings when children go on their own path to make their own life. but in human world its not like that. parents get hurt if children decides to live their own life on their own terms. parents look after children and then children look after parents: is it natural? or we are forcing it?

If it should be okay for parents to "let go" of their children once they grow - and not interfere with their lives and not expect anything in return- is it also fair to assume that the parents then should live their own lives and perhaps cut us off the inheritance?

If we observe truly happy families; you will notice that in these families , people have some value to give each other. they dont talk in terms of sacrifice at all. they understand what needs to be done to keep their loved ones happy. loving someone because of blood relation is not simply enough. its 'understanding' each other which counts the most. all families have different levels of understanding thats why all families are different in dealing with their children and children dealing with their parents.

No Identity! No Problem?

Scared of being what you actually are?

Is it the main reason why people stick to anonymity on the internet?

Does anonymity gives access to people's innermost thoughts? which they might not reveal if they knew who i was? How do you know how people will react to what you say? Or you dont care how they will react or think of you as long as they dont know your identity?

Is it a preasumption that anonymity is what works with people on the internet?

Still dont know : (

if anonymity was really that big; social networking wouldn't be making such a BANG in global and indian cyberspace. Isn't it?

Internet opens plethora of possibilities >>> meet, mate, chat, catch up, show off, dating.. are among the most popular reasons why people like cyberspace. Addiction could be any and many like: gaming sites, social networking, dating sites, chatting, horoscope sites, business related sites, puzzal sites etc. etc. and biggest of them all >>> writing your thoughts and having people read and react ; )

"Its about drawing your own limits." Spending all your time on the NET on the cost of everything else is bad. "The moment you compromise on your day-to-day social life you know you are over doing it."

Coming back to the anonymity>> I still wonder how important it is? Should we bother " what will the world think of me" anymore. Its amazing to put forth your point and have many more responding to that point. Its interesting to see so many varied opinions people have. IT ALLOWS YOU, IF NEEDED, TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS.

Go On Login!

CLICK-CLICK ;p

"Guest is God" really?

"Guest is GOD "

Last week only i saw two cases of EVE TEASING and that too foreigners..

1# this white girl along with her two friends was buying chips-chocs etc..a bunch of guys were checking her out head to toe...actually they seem to strip her from their eyes. after cracking a few dirty jokes about her they asked her if she wants some juice obviously in a dirty manner...they were sipping sugarcane juice at a nearby juice corner..she smiled n refused politely.. here they go>> they started teasing her even more in tooti-footi english..she just left quickly with her two friends.

2# this chinese chic was buying veggies with her friend and this sabziwala giving her weired look and said something which she definitely dint like...i dont know what exactly he said b'coz i was watching it while waiting for a green signal to move my car..all other sick people around also started laughing at her..she just left without buying vegetables with a upset look on her face.

How good it feels when you are in a different country and people are nice to you..it is SUCH a relief, a huge-huge relief to just walk around the roads of an unknown city without anyone whistling, without eyes boring into your back, your b***, your whatever * , without walking through a throng of people crossing red lights wondering if someone is going to grab your a**. You don’t know the city, You don’t know streets and yet You feel very comfortable just walking around, sitting outside cafeterias with a coffee and watching as the city wakes up. It is such a relief that even when a man looks at you or checks you out, he does not threaten. Of course there are some jackasses, but unlike India (or the Indian subcontinent) where we seem to produce them in masses, not everyone is a jackass.

Perhaps some will give the argument that since boys and girls here grow up watching each other on beaches and wearing short skirts or cleavage showing outfits, they are more used to such stuff and therefore they don’t stare. (Between, the sari shows much more than jeans and a tee shirt does ) But you know what, in Dubai, MOST women wear a burqa and yet men DO NOT stare at tourists.

IF burqa woman and babes in shorts n heels can coexist in a country WITHOUT men molesting women on New Year’s and without staring or eve teasing, I say WE need to do something. What are we doing wrong that makes generations of men in India into such personal space invading, staring monsters?

Why its so difficult for delhi to pick up from truly international , truly multicultural cities? m not talking about adopting their culture and dropping ours..but people can be good to tourists.. they can respect their culture or their way of living.

Wicked Happiness!

All of us want to be happy and stay happy always... but how many of us are actually feel completely happy and satisfied? for a while everyone feels happy no doubts about that..but this happiness doesnt' lasts... why it happens? what is it which takes our happiness away?


how many of us promise ourselves that we'll be happy as soon as we achieve this or that success or get this or that material possession? and for how many years have we been convincing ourselves that the watering hole is just on the other side of sand dune? happiness is a human condition, created by human impulses, in a human brain. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT COMPANIONSHIP IS QUIET A BASIC REQUIREMENT FOR MOST OF HUMANS TO BE HAPPY.


But if there is no happiness to be found through participation in society, and none found through asceticism.. than WHERE is it? perhaps happiness is a mirage we create for ourselves so we can strive for more...this unending desire provokes us to keep working for >>> Success/Money/Status/Progress/ And most importantly to give happiness to our loved ones.


it seems difficult to ever attain a state of constant happiness, atleast while one is capable of being a productive member of society in that case may be we should abandon the search for happiness.
helping others always gives a immense pleasure..a wonderful feeling of satisfaction.


Different people seek their happiness in different things>>> Businessman seeks it in money/ Celebrity seeks it in fame/ Swami seeks it in solitude.......


I have found my happiness in simple pleasures : ) i am capable of attaining infinite bliss, of sustaining that ammmmaZing sensation of ecstasy.. i glimpse now and then while wrapped in my lover's arms..it makes me believe that happiness is REAL... it exists in some way for everyone of us, we have to realize it..and search for it. if not, then what's the point of it all? what is there to live if not for happiness ? if not for love?
" If i could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck,
The warmth of your lips on my cheeks,
The touch of your fingers on my skin,
And the feel of your heart beating with mine......
Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than YOU."

Dear Tea

Dear tea,

have i ever told u how much i love u?

what u mean to me?

u have been there wid me always when i needed u.

when i m down u give me a high.

when its raining n i m missing him..u were there wid me.

when i dint eat for few days..u were there to make me feel better.

most of my fights wid my brother ..were coz of u..

we used to fight for u.

ur aroma is unforgettable.

i love to have you when i m listening to songs..n feeling senti : (

when i m lonely...all by myself.

when i reach home..first thing i ask for is YOU.

when i m tired of crying i wash my face n grab a cup of u.

when its cold morning of winter i sip u in my bed.

u taste best in d morning. my first cup of tea..to start my day.

always faithful to u

me ; )

Do U Knw D Secret Yet??

Generally i dont have ne particular reason to tell why i read this book? i actually connected wid dis book.

sumtime back i read dis book called "The Secret" from Rhonda Byrne.. When I started reading it i really dint have ne idea tht its gonna leave a impact on me... seriously!

but.. as i was turning the pages gradually i started feeling better about life.. slowly i was looking at things positively : ) may be for some time but i felt better n hopeful..

i was restless and emotionally drained ( for sum reason) .. but thn i remembered about The Secret..

" To acquire love .. fill yourself up with it until u become a magnet."

think what you want..think it is happening already what u want...

"create ur day in advance by thinking d way u want it to go,and u will create ur life intentionally." it sounds so easy na? its not tht easy.. cuz fear grips u.. n u start telling urself >> wot if it doesn't happen like dis? now u r attracting to urself what u dont want to happen.. hmm being positive is not tht easy dude! but dont give up..go on.. think what u want..it will come to u soon..very soon. .. my faith got stronger whn it actually happened wht i was waiting for..

yess i was brimming wid joy!!

The Secret claims tht we can have,do or be anything we want. how? by using our force>> force of our thoughts.. ur power is ur thoughts, so stay aware.

this book reminds me of one of my favourite books >> The Alchemist.

" WHEN U TRULY WANT SOMETHING,THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE WILL CONSPIRE TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE IT."

I just marvelled at d simplicity of the story. the way it is told is amazing.

" life is really generous to those who pursue their destiny." never stop dreaming but dont forget to wake up n make them come true..see them come true..

if u focus completely on what u want, u will definitely get it.. this book can transform ur thought process totally. there's nothing so unique in dis book.. we all have heared these things sumwhr from sumone... but what matters here is >> how beautifully its described.

it might get you d change u r looking for. its a self-confidence booster i feel.

think good about urself..love urself..respect urself...pamper urself : ) and thn see how people do the same to you.

is it true? may be it is! wots d harm in trying? atleast give it try guys. go on..

i personally believe that its possible thats y i gifted this book to someone special ;-*

Law Of True Love

law of true love: you shall love unconditionally; when the biggest condition is your having no condition(s). you will love but not expect >>> LOVE, affection, acknowledgement of your being there, accidental rub of hands or whatever, appreciation, eye contact full of intimacy, erotic touches n talks, discussions on everything or anything...n so on...

But...!! what if you have it all? and still you cant expect it even when you are actually having it? now thats a difficult one.. thats what i am going through.. he has loved me so much in all ways... has given me ultimate pleasure no one can give... spoken his heart out to me, no matter whatever it is.. family, business, flings, feelings, desires, love, sacc ^ everything... but even though i am in a state that i cant ask for it.. ( craving n starving for it..)

no one's fault actually... this is the way it is...

is it possible to love "unconditionally" anyway? God knows!!

coz we know we should not expect but we expect.. and when we dont get it ..we get hurt.. we sulk.. but our innermost soul was always well aware about it.. it knocked up again n again.. but "love is not only blind.. its deaf also ;-* "

thats the spice of life.. if we get everything we want who will call it life??

there's a popular saying >>> " Never love someone who becomes a priority for you when you are just a choice for them. " well my case is not related to this saying..

but we dont choose to fall in love.. if we choose its not love.. love just happens itself.. well now dont get confused between love, infatuation and attraction its all different..

Love hurts .. if its certain..why cant we stop to love? we just cant..

move on.. where? how? and why?

boy! who loved me..touched me..been with me all those years...i spent nights talking to him over the phone doing strange n exciting things .. felt him..his arm around my waist.. his gentle hug.. a squeez.. consider himself lucky that i am with him..love me tenderly..love me firmly.. his teeth on my tounge.. when he hides his possasiveness.. when he whispers that he loves me.. when he first time kissed me.. spent his pocket money on me... borrowed his friend's bike to take me for a joy ride...waited for me everytime... when we did first time...n then dont know how many times...whom i thought of all the time...whom i think of all the time...who has been honest to me..whatever it is...how can i forget it all n move on? i wanna live with it...i wanna cherish it..relish it .. all my life.. no matter what.

i wanna crawl to him as if i am a baby.. meant to love..

but then >>> remember the law of true love??

a long way to go..

blogging... its about self-expression.. so m just gonna write whatever i feel n realize... as a woman.. in today's so called modern world.. modern society..

INDIA.. as long as i know its a democratic country.. just to say.. actually its not..( in so many ways) "sad but true."

whats happening all around us ..with us ..in different states ..different excuses..since forever... we are all well aware about it.. why go back to d old times? lets look at d current time.. as a woman can we take our personal freedom for granted? just like men? its a dream..far from reality.. situation is worse in villages..but in metro cities also its not great either..

what happened in manglore pub we all know it..its a shame!!

people who are responsible for dis..are well connected enough to escape the law.. today its about going to a pub n tomorrow it can be about wearing western outfits..n then about laughing..dancing n so on.. on the name of indian tradition they are doing it.. but do they know the indian tradition that well?? atleast i dont think so..

if i am roaming around with my boyfriend.. which i love to..i see people bothering about us more than themselves.. whats wrong wid them? why cant they mind their own business?

we are advised to carry pepper spray..learn karate.. but why should we be in a situation like dis at all? why cant we walk late night in d streets?? as long as i am not breaking any law.. people who are actually breaking d law are walking free n proud as if they deserve a medal for there bravery..

what a democracy !

Nothing Can Beat A First Date ; )

date: 18-11-02

venue: odeon, c.p

what should i wear? which colour will look good on me? this one? no-no this one... finally i picked up black ( known as fool proof ) i think its perfect....hmmm m ready to gooooooo... exxxxxcited??obviously!

damn! auto-auto... yaar in sabko wahan jane main problem kya hai? ek hi answer... bohot duuuuuurrr hai madam... finally i got into a auto.. he was driving okay but it was very slow for me...i think m gonna be late for sure..my first 'date' of my entire life...n look at me i am terribely late... but finally i reached late hi sahi..~~ wow!! here he is wwooww...

i saw his first glimpse ; ) cuuuuuuutie.... very close to my imagination... green jacket...sweet smile on his face..my love...coming towards me... he was sure its me..

he told me he saw my hands first....nnnnn...he liked 'em :-*

he really waited long for me... ( ye to shuruaat hai) hehehe.. "jeena sirf mere liye" our first movie.. show shuru hone main abhi time hai..lets just roam around..we were talking n blushing at d same time..we were both bachhas yaar.. suddenly he asked me to call his name..he just wanted to reassure i am d same gurl he speaks to.. i called his name~ ***** n he was smiling .. so sweet!! i was still trying to believe i am actually meeting him... we got gifts for each other..we exchanged 'em..lovely! i love them..my most precious ones..

everytime i looked at him he was looking at me wid a smile...i was too nervous n excited at d same time.. dont know what he is thinking of me...he liked me?..say sumthing na.. hmmm movie is over... we r just chilling n roaming on d roads.. nice sunny day.. it was going smooth n suddenly we were surrounded with hijras ...damn!! they just started...wahh! kya jodi..tumahri jodi bane rahe...n so on....i was scared..he just handled d situation somehow.. wot a relief. being a boy he ought to do that..hahahaha.. i just took advantedge ;-* i was a bit scared of my big brother as it was possible that he sees me there with him..he is not cool about it : ( specially if its me.. but nothing happened like dat.. i was happy.

it was a blush-blush meeting..for both of us..

kaise samjhaon tumhe...

mera pahla pahla pyaar hai ye..

i went back home with a smiling face..tickling heart.. too many questions in my mind.. what he thinks about me? he likes me? list goes on n on..

i was desperate to reach home just dying to speak to him.. what will he say? hmm its his call i know... yesssssss he liked me... he said nice things about me : ) n i was just too relaxed n happy to know that.. somebody's views about me dint matter so much before.. but now it does.. dis is a different world now.. i told him how much i liked him how close he was to my imagination.. how much i am absorbed in his thoughts day n night..he has become my DESIRE...my DREAM..my GUY.. life is beautiful..

perfect stranger

It was an usual evening of 21st august 2002 ...

my cousin came to my house..we were just chatting about things...movies,friends,school,internet..then she told me that she doesnt have an e-mail id yet...n dont even know how to chat on messenger...

hhmmm..even i was not so regular with surfing or chatting...but i dint show that to her...i said letz go to a cyber cafe then... (yup i dint have net @ home that time ; ) ..
so here it is..i logged in from my yahoo id... entered delhi global chat room.... msg windows here n there...msgs were just popping up one after another... most of them just hogged up like they never chatted wid a gurl before...ahh..finally we chose one guy wid a decent id. he just said a simple hi...n we began to chat.. unknown of the fact that life will never be same again...
after that normal a/s/l session we chatted for a while .. when we were about to leave he dropped his fon no on d chatting window...
i was returning home wid my cousin... she asked will u call him? it was an prompt answer - naah.. u mad ? but sumwhr in my heart i was planning to call him...may be i wanted to talk to him when i m alone... ;p
as soon as we reached she said m dialing his no...i just smiled in confusion... he said Hello! owwwwwwww my god..... i just loved his voice...
he was sounding adorable n cute n soooooo on... we talked for lil time.. n his door bell rang..
he said papa aa gaye i will talk to u later.. n hanged up : (
hhmm confusion confusion... why m feeling so restless ya? it was just a guy i chatted wid...
why m behaving like a weirdo******** god knows!!
neways....
now its me alone... who has to take the initiative to contact... ofcourse i dint give him my fon no yet.... though i liked him the way he was sounding....ummm.. nice guy!! i told myself : )
i went to the cyber cafe next day same time.... to find him ... to chat with him.. to know him better... but... i was not tht smart after all..as i showed it to my cousin... i dint know about adding friends in messenger... i was wondering how to find him in so many ids there in chat room... how dumb i was...
n suddenly a msg window popped up....oww here he is... my smile was touching my eyes.....i was so happpppppy as if i have found a fortune..... $$$$$$$********
i started calling him everyday....
the cafe owner was glad to find a religious customer...widout missing a day i used to chat wid him... till the time he is not online i used to read his old mails....again...again...n again....
finally i gave him my contact no too... my greed to listen to him more often ; )
it was all so magical.....that i dint notice that i am madly in love with him... wow!

i never used to feel like dis before... never used to dream wid wide open eyes... never used to think about someone alllllll d time...never used to be so crazzy..
n how about him??
this question to myself was enough to skip a heart beat...
does he loves me too?
what if he dsnt? nooooooooooo!!!
he does...he does....
he likes me i know....
his mails r indicating that...i culd sense when he is smiling cutely...he used to like d way i used to call his name... i dint know wht was so unusual in tht....but i was tickled in my heart ~
days!!

his flirty chat just woooooed me... it was him all d time on my mind..

eager to hear tht long fon ring trrrrrrrring.... widout caller id i knew its his call.. hahaha

its november 2002 already ... third month... n we hvnt meet yet... m just after him to meet but he has just one thing to say ~ milenge-milenge dont worry.. ; )

arrre but when? aur kitna wait yaar? dont u wanna meet me? dont wanna see me?

i just cant wait anymore.....

dying to see u now...............

finally one fine day~~~ he AGREED : )